Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Dumped? Don't do this

I'm running low on time this week, so we'll just skip all the niceties, right? Oh, except to remind you love fools that I'm not Dr. Ruth. Please don't send me your questions about sex positions, vibrators or whips. I'm not a prude, but the thought of your sex life kind of makes me want to throw up a bit in my mouth.

Moving on.

"Melissa" writes:
"I got dumped. What do I do?" 
You mean after you have a party, right?

Listen, love makes people do dumb things. I'm definitely not the girl to ask about what you SHOULD do, but I know what you shouldn't.

1. Beg. Ever.
2. Persistent text or call. Lose his contact info. Forever.
3. Stalk. Actually, I'm on the fence about this one so maybe ask someone else.
4. Sleep with his best friend. Actually, this doesn't seem so bad, either.
5. Throw his stuff on the front lawn. The alley or trash can - no matter how much further you have to walk - will provide you with greater satisfaction.

I know, love bites.

- Jagger

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