Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Cure for the wandering eye

Can you believe I've been doing this blogging crap for 17 weeks?  I can't remember the last time I did anything for 17 weeks without bitching. Oh hell, who am I kidding, I'm always bitching.

Kind of like "Rose" who asks,
"My boyfriend of 5 years has wandering eyes. How do I get him to stop?" 
Aside from knocking him out? You can't.

Look, there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend checking out the menu, as long as he isn't ordering on the side. Everybody looks, that's normal. And if you don't, you'd better check for a pulse.

However, it's once thing to glance and another to ogle. If his obvious ogling is making you uncomfortable, then try talking about it first. Figure out why he's being so obvious - is he just looking for attention? Why? What's missing in your relationship? 

Or, maybe he's just a pig.

If communication doesn't work, my advice is to send him packing. 

I know, love bites.

- Jagger

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

No means No. No, really.

Why do some women have to give the rest of us a bad name? Bloody hell.

I almost feel sorry for "Chuck"
"I asked a girl out and she said No. A couple months later, she berates me in front of her friends for not knowing she meant 'not right now.' I'm confused. When does No mean No?" 
This is the bullshit that drives me to drink. The game playing, the mixed signals. It's like perpetual high school out there.

So, let me make this clear: No always means, NO.  

That's the message everyone needs to understand.

If this chick really meant "not right now" she should have said that instead of being a bitch and making you look like a fool in front of her friends.

But really, you are a fool. Any woman who uses you as her personal ego boost isn't worth the time it took to ask me this question. No does mean No, and if she ever comes sniffing around you, that had better be your response, too.

I know, love bites.

- Jagger

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Be passive. Or agressive. Both is lame.

I know they say all is fair in love and war, but why the bloody hell does there have to be so much drama? 

I'd bet a bottle of JD "Charlie" is still in high school, though I've seen 50-year-olds play these same games:
"My girlfriend wrote a blog post to tell me what a dick I am, but didn't SAY the post was about me. Is that passive aggressive?" 

But you're no better, Romeo. 

Look, I'm no expert at communication, but both of you need to put on your big girl panties. Got something to say? Be aggressive and own it (or point the finger of blame)...or be passive and move on. Don't do both. That's lame.

And, airing your relationship drama on the internet? It's not your personal diary, and I have to assume she's smart enough to know that. She wrote it because she wants you (and your friends, her friends, etc)  to read it - mostly because she doesn't have the parts to tell you to your face. Don't be too hard on her though, your cojones aren't exactly filling out your jock strap.

In your email, you admit your girlfriend reads this blog - which is why you asked me instead of your locker buddies. 

I know, love bites.

- Jagger

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Don't mess with the Bromance

I don't have many friends. Shocking, I know.

I'm okay with that...but maybe I'm not the best person to answer this question from "Beth" -- oh hell, of course I am. It just might not be the answer she's looking for.
"My boyfriend and I have been together one year and things are wonderful. But his childhood best friend is always around. How can I get him to bug off?" 
Keep dreaming.

I may not be an authority on friendships, but I've been around the block enough times to recognize the true bonds that tie, and unless you're a freaking magician in bed, you're no match for a real-life bromance.

Why bother competing?

Grit your teeth and buckle down for a threesome - without the fringe benefits, of course. Because until the BFF figures you're no threat to a time-tested routine of beer-swilling, football-watching Sundays, you're always in danger of being kicked to the curb. Think I'm exaggerating? Try coming between your man and the NHL playoff games this week.

I know, love bites.

- Jagger